Preventative Procrastination

12:55am: I bleed Orange and Green
This is a ranking of the top 30 law faculties based on a standard "objective" measure of scholarly impact: per capita citations to faculty scholarship. We looked only at the top quarter of each faculty, largely for logistical reasons--it made the study more manageable--but partly because the scholarly standing of a school depends more on its best faculty, than its average.

[...]

OVERALL TOP 30 BASED ON MEAN AND MEDIAN PER CAPITA IMPACT JULY 2005

Rank 2005	School	Score	Per Capita Citation Rank 2003	Reputation Rank 2003
1	University of Chicago	100	1	2
2	Yale University	77	2	1
3	Harvard University	68	3	2
4	Stanford University	61	4	4
[...] Other Schools Studied
	Brooklyn Law School	17	25	Runner-up for top 40
	University of Pittsburgh	17	30	Not in the top 40
	University of Southern California	17	21	12
[...] Other Schools on Which Preliminary Data Was Collected (but which were clearly not going to make the top 30 after that data was in)
	University of California, Davis		38	32
	University of Miami		15	40
	University of Wisconsin, Madison		38	22

Ouch... deeply... mostly Orange and Green....

4:45pm:

5:55am:

Où en est votre libido ?

Le sexe vous hante et occupe votre esprit une bonne partie de la journée
Vous avez tendance à rendre toutes vos relations avec le sexe opposé ambiguës car vous avez besoin de sentir et d'éprouver du désir pour vivre. Votre appétit sexuel peut vous entraîner dans des situations extrêmes et des relations tumultueuses.
Votre mot préféré : encore. Jamais rassasié, vous avez toujours besoin de tenter de nouvelles expériences. Soit votre partenaire décide de vous suivre, soit vous portez votre dévolu sur d'autres cibles. Votre curiosité en la matière n'a pas de limite. Vous ne seriez pas un homme par hasard ?

.
.
.
.
Ben en fait...

1:20am: Blog Thing
I know I know; Passt sicht nischt for a blog.
And I haven't updated in forever either, and I should; I know.
But I haven't been in the mood lately, and this quiz was just... so on target.
I share it with you now:

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

10:52pm: Random Quotes
Seeing as how my favorite I-don't-want-to-do-this-so-let-me-procrastinate site is down, I am going to update a long overdue list of quotations.  Names of perps not changed to protect their anoniminosity.  Read at your own risk.


                            Fall 2004 - Architecture Studio in Rome

Marissa:  So this guy-
      Me:   this guy...?
Marissa:   ok, my boyfriend
            (the James's Bike story)

I'm not stupid for a reason!
            Kara, proving herself

Even if they were open, it'd be closed.
            Marissa, about a store

Do you like it better in the back or in the front?
            Kellen, talking about something completely unrelated to what you're thinking

Sex is like pizza.  When it's good, it's very good; when it's bad, it's still pretty good.
            Sign at a Pizza Store

Come here my little bleeding woman
            Victoria, to a PMS-er

I have wood in my mouth
            Lara (?), upon waking up

I made out with you too dumbass!
            Kristina (to a jealous-of-Lara Marissa)

How much tall do you think this is?
            Becky, pointing to something

Kara, will you be a good mum when you're sober?
            Kellen

I'm not masochistic, I just like it rough.
            Kristina

I'm so excited! I brought a banana!
            Victoria

That priest is so hot!  Wait, does that mean he's a virgin??
            Marissa, seeing the light


                                                Amsterdam Plans
Someone:   I'm so excited!!!
Victoria(?): Me too!!! I'm gonna see a bunch of stuff there, just
like Professor Le Jeune said we should; they're just not going to be real...



                                  Spring 2005 - Architecture Studio

I hooked up with guys from other schools toooo
            Amanda, justifying her on-campus sex-life

Jeremy:             off to South America now?
Allison Spear:   yea, just for a little week-end birthday party
            As she stepped onto her private jet

I only want to talk to teams because they're more fun
            Allison Spear, showing her kinky side

Opposites are, you know... they're cool
          Someone making like... you know, sense.

Stop defending your ideas because it's really annoying for your teachers!
            Allison Spear, giving ideal advice to students



                                        Spring 2005 - Speech Class

So I tell my grandson "it's important to go to work so you can make the bling bling" and he tells
me, "you're down with it", and I say "that's right, cause I know how to shake it like a polaroid"
            My very liberated 60-year-old speech class professor

Professor Giroux, um... you wrote do do drugs


Last one, an oldish one, but an awesome one:
"Some people look at a glass and see it as half-full, others look at a glass and say it's a dragon"
       Jon Stewart, about Bush's response to the Dolpher report on the WMD's in Iraq

2:16am: 9 Days
I don't know why, but I never really took the 9 days seriously (despite my car crash happening in or around that time, and many other bad things).
This year things just seemed to escalate dramatically:
Day 1: A finger gets cut (a friend, Thursday night).
Day 2: A knee gets scraped (my little brother, Shabbat day).
Day 3: A wrist gets broken (a friend, Saturday night).
Day 4: A death in the family.
There's still another few days to go, but it's hard to think of worse that could still happen.

My cousin's kids, upon hearing that their great-grandmother passed on:
"When my power ranger breaks we go to the toy store and buy a new one, so we should just go to the store, and get a new one!"
      Mendy, 9 years old.
"Don't you know?!? all you need to do is have a baby girl, name her Sonia, and then it's like she never left!!!"
      Daniella, 7 years old.
From the mouth of babes...

3:50pm: Which Harry Potter Character are you?
I know these are frowned upon in the blog world, but I just can't help myself... just one little one:

...and which lesser Harry Potter character are you?

11:25pm: Mashiach Rant

I feel a panic attack coming on… You know when you see those guys in the street yelling “the end is near, and the Devil, thou hast worshipped will come and cut your radishes” or something like that?

Well consider yourself warned.

Our year is 5765 right? RIGHT? Well, what if it ISN’T?
    Lemme explain:

A) Based on Ancient Greek historical texts and Persian archeology:
The 1st Beit Hamikdash was destroyed in 586 B.C.
The 2^nd Temple was destroyed in 70 A.D.

 B) According to Chazal:
The 2^nd Temple was destroyed in 70 A.D. and lasted 420 years, so it was built in 351 B.C.; there were 70 years between the destruction of the 1^st and 2^nd Temple, thus:
The 1st Beit Hamikdash was destroyed in 421 B.C.

There is a 165 year discrepancy, so if we follow secular history, we’re actually in the year 5930.

Now, according to a certain opinion (the Rambam?), Mashiach’s time to come is in 6,000.  Ideally before then, but if we haven’t brought him in by then, that’s his time limit.  According to another source (Rav Creedmore?) if Mashiach doesn’t come before 6,000, it would’ve been better for this world not to have been created.  Or something like that.

70 years!!!! What the hell are we waiting for?!?!?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, after thinking about it for a while, and probing some h.com-ers, I came to some conclusions.

I - What if Mashiach wears a Sruggie?

                        a - What will the Black Hats have to say about it?
                        b – What if he wears a Black Hat? What will the Kippah’s and Shtreimels say?
                        c – What if he wears […]? What will […] say?
                        z – What if he wears a Cowboy hat?

        Perhaps much more importantly, what if he’s a Chassid (so as not to say Chabad, Satmar or whatnot)?  I can just see them gloating, saying “see, I told you so! We were right, you were wrong”.  And Misnageds or MO’s or Reform or whatever would be saying the same exact thing if Mashiach was one of them.
    I like telling myself that we’re really not that childish.  But then people remind me otherwise. Well nanny nanny poo-poo.  If I was Mashiach, and Hashem told me to get down here, I’d say “for what, so they can fight even more?”

People, it’s time to stop this righteous b*llsh*t and SinatHinam!!!!

I wonder who it would be in our generation... I'd venture, a hermit, who has never heard of NK, Chabad, Satmar, Misnags, Yeshivish, MO, Ashkenas, Sephardi, Conservative, Reform (the list goes on and on and on and...) and neither have they ever heard of him.  That way, no one can say:
"Told you so!"

II – What about maser?

        When I was doing Shabbat in the dorms, for the first year or two, my friends would ask me why I couldn’t turn on the lights, or use the microwave, or come out and party, etc… After explaining it all, some friends were bewildered that there were so many laws.
                        “You learnt all that from your parents?”
                        “If I was Jewish, there’s no way I would be able to remember all of those!!!”
                        “How do you not forget sometimes that you can’t carry outdoors?!? I mean, you carry every day!!!”
         I’ve been thinking.  I was brought up with this my whole life, and still when I look at a list of fish, I sometimes wonder if it’s kosher.  Now that I’m learning Gemarra Shabbat, I sometimes even see things in it, and go “huh? I can’t? Since when?”.  Newsflash: seems to be, that someone with a bad leg can carry a cane on Shabbat.  I still don’t use a blech or a crock-pot; I’m too scared; god only knows what odd rules come bundled with those things!!!
And I’ve been brought up with it since I was three...
What I’d like to know, is how long it takes a Baal Tshuvah to learn these things.  I would ask a convert, but it’s not the same; most converts learn it before they convert, so they don’t even need to completely worry about it till C day.  Baal Tshuva’s have to live with the fact that they may be mechalel shabbos for the first few they try to keep.

        Now, what does this have to do with maser?  Well, it’s like this.  I have no idea what Maaser Rishon is.  Or Maaser Sheni (or Shlishi?).  Or Peah. Or any of the other taxes/tzedakahs.  And not because I’ve never owned a field either, but because, in our day and age, who really worries about that?  No one goes to the corner of a field to eat what’s leftover; no one comes to my door and asks me for all my firstborn cows.
And that’s the Easy stuff.

        The real hard stuff is Tumah!  I won’t even go into it more than just to say that there are 4, 5 or 6 different levels of it.  Sure, some people know about it, but do you know many people who actually take precautions to not get tumah?
The reason mainly is that we need a sacrifice to be really pure, so Tumah nowadays doesn’t mean much.  Everyone is Tumah-dic on some level, so why fight it?  Just avoid corpses, Av Tumah’s; you’ll be fine.

Wait a second… Sacrifice?!?!? Whaaaaaa?

    Yeah, I guess Tumah was a piece of cake, lemme tell you.  Of course, according to some opinions, I’m not the one with the problem, I’m not the one preparing the animal for sacrifice, and certainly won’t be the one setting it on fire.  That’s the Cohen guyses jobs.  A Cohen? Yeah, sure, I know a few.  I have family who are Cohanim.  In fact, last time I called my cousin, he had to call me back cause he was all bloody, as a result of being in the middle of preparing a goat to be set on the altar. :rolls eyes:
But I guess the Rabbanim at Gush Etzion will teach him how to make a proper sacrifice.

        So when Mashiach comes, after we’re done bickering about who was right and who was wrong, we’ll all have to give korbanot (chatas for the most part probably).
        So my question is:  Who’s gonna teach us???  Techiat Hameitim isn’t for another 40 years!!!

                        “So not only do you want me to be another reason for their bickering, but you also want me to teach
                         millions of people how to do sacrifices? When do I get to sleep?!? No thanks, not interested…”

Conclusion #2: We need to start teaching our kids how to slaughter goats (as a manner of speech)

Though I think when Mashiach does comes around asking everyone for half a shekel, and gets a bunch of N.I.S., he’s gonna be real puzzled…

End Rant

10:10pm: Check out their products... awesome stuff
ihouse

10:00pm: Israel News...
The House is on fire.  You close the door, and walk into the living room.  You sit down, and have a snack. This is the Disengagement plan.

http://www.machonmeir.org.il/leumi/sakin_balev_english_300.wmv

5:07am: Random news
So lets start with two things which should never be mixed: Sex and Nazi's.  Unless you're talking about fu#*ing up a Nazi.  Well anyways...
Hitler invented the sexdoll.  Yes people, it is true.  Actually, I have no idea.... It's a hoax... or not... who cares?

Either way, this in turn gave a certain German problems down the line.

If you think that's sick, don't even think of clicking  this one... seriously...

                She asked her little girl: "why don't you talk about the cute boys at school?"
                Her daughter replied: "oh momma, nobody I know is cuter than Jar Jar Binks"
                The mother was horrified.

Yeah, no sh*t, I'd be horrified too!

I'm also however horrifed by this...



In other news around the globe:

While some continue to blame others for their own f*ck-ups, support shows up from the least expected places...

back to news that no one gives a rats *ss about: If the judicial system of the People's Republic of China was as practical as our own, McDonalds would be sued till they were as broke as the white/black/grey alien guy:
Wacko Jacko's not only broke, he's gonna havta sell his ranch, let go his servants, and return The Beatles song rights to Paul.
awwwwww, look at poor little Michael in the picture... makes me want to... well... to...awwww
And, yes, he is an alien it turns out... his parents came to claim him back, which might explain how the hell he got away with it all...
This also sheds light on other things...

9:57pm: Random posts

 in its idiocy...




















I mean, fine, you want to be "creative" with your designs, do something interesting, like, I don't know, do this:

          or         

While we're on the subject of bathroom furniture, here's some really cool tubs from LavaboSinks.


Arguably, those two were architecture design though... yours is more like... just design. so fine; bad examples... how about this then???
no? well then, since you're so in love with your M-clock thing,
maybe you should look at some nicely designed clocks, hm? yes?

Aright, done with my rant/stolen-picture-posts... hope I don't get yelled at...

oh yeah, just one more...

12:03am: OK, I'm back... I think; I hope...
At least until move to NewYork to work for RAMSA starts... I might go back into hibernation at that point...
This is where I'll be living.  No, not really, and this is why; but if you feel like being charitable, please go ahead and get me one.  Brought to you by Calatrava.  Actually, while you're at it, I'm in need of a new video game; and my phone's Fudged up, so a new Nokia or Motorola would be nice.
And since we're being frivolous, gimme an iPod case.
If you're feeling cheap, I'll accept these and these, but you have to get me both...

Ok, nuff said for now, till next time

3:41am: UPDATE!!!
Sooooooo, quick update:

On second thought, it'll have to wait till I'm sober; but in the meantime:




Thanx to dee for finding this... acurate at all anyone?

3:59am: So I'm sure you all heard, but in case you haven't, we're supposed to maybe perhaps say Kaddish... I think... maybe not...

• Moshe was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. His friend, who happened
  to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he
  approached the newspaper reader: "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading
  an Arab newspaper?"
  Moshe replied: "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being
  persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage,
  Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own
  all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world.
  The news is so much better..."
  

 The question remains though... of all pop icons, (yes, the Pope was a pop icon) which ones are surprisingly jewish?

Granted, we are somewhat strange at times, ridiculously confusing at others, and might even seem archaic to some
(for those who missed it, that's are ridiculously archaic)
So who has the last laugh now, huh?
It seems as though I've been wrong about some of us as well... the yeshivish ones are in fact patriotic.  Cuando les conviene por lo menos...
(and no, I will not link something to illustrate that, but what I will link to, is a simple guide to understanding them, if serching for the perfect Shiduch)

In conclusion, I will say this:
We might be strange, but at least he's not one of us.
And neither are they...

Edit: One more thing.

5:33pm:

How to make a MasTeR of Paris

Ingredients: 5 parts intelligence 3 parts humour 3 parts beauty

Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add emotion to taste! Overindulge!

1:03am: Oh really? Shit, I'm an Alien. I'm an Ilegal Alien.
Taking a break from the wonderfull world of Speech-Writting to show you French ignorance at its best...

3:29am: Reading Tidbits Defining America (or the US of North America...)
A.D.D. Nation?
Porn-Nation?
War-Porn-Nation
Fast Food Nation
Hip-Hop-Nation?

9:55pm: So not up to date with gaming today...

"Something needed to be done about pallys anyway. I was getting tired of hearing my pal friend talk about farming elites that were 3 levels above him.
Now all they need to do is give druid cat-form a direct damage finisher and base damage output in feral forms somewhat on equipment and it will be cool ;P
I didn't know about the spider belt thing, but that's good too. Can't really give players an item that makes a druid's best ability useless."

???
uh... what?
???

2:29am: The beginning of the middle of the first decade of the new millennium (i.e. 2005 if you had a hard time.  Please follow the advice on my first post and hit "Alt" and "F4" to see what happens)
did not start too well abroad.  And at home, not too much better either.  Can't wait to see what's gonna happen at UM when people hear us play tapes of what the passengers heard that day...
Meanwhile, it's a good thing that some realize what's going on and are learning to prepare, both spiritually and physically, all at the same time.
Me on the other hand, I use Mario to blow steam...

But seriously, does anyone else find this appalling? (or just plain F*&#ed up?)
What the HELL is that about???

'nough said...

2:35am: Wow... they actually responded...

• Dear Mr. Leather Jacket,

  After extensive reevaluation of your situation, it has been decided by the powers that be (that would be the chutzpah police) that you have not done enough to make up for your chutzpah.  This means that the chutzpah police is not satisfied with your level of tikun olam and knaidlach consumption.  You have also failed to accomplish any of the extra extraordinary acts of redemption such as eating kugel or reciting tehillim.

  Furthermore, we would like to have the address at which you have purchased your leather jacket.  This would enable you to earn derech eretz points.

  Telling a Jewish joke or two wouldn't hurt either...

  and have you had your fill of borscht?

  Although we are allowed lag time in response time because we have many chutzpadic individuals to police, you must respond to this e-mail within the allotted time.

  The One and Only,

  And Very Almighty

  Chutzpah Police!

My reply wasn't as eloquent this time...

• Dear Mr. Subconciously Chutzpadic him/herself,
  
  I have not made up for my chutzpah, and will not make up for it, and
  will furthermore continue to be chutzpadic until I'm told what I've
  done.
  That the Chutzpah police is not satisfied is none of my business, and
  neither do I care.  As far as I know, I have only Hashem to answer to.
  Moreover, the Chutzpah police apparently doesn't know what they're
  talking about; I've been saying Tehilim as of late actually, first to
  ask Hashem for something, and then to thank and praise him.  I don't
  think Tehilim should be used to ask for forgiveness... for that we
  have Shmonei Esrei, and Tachanun.  Besides, you can't ask for
  forgiveness when you haven't done anything wrong.
  Check your sources, apparently your intelligence dept. needs a new set of PC's.
  
  I don't do jewish jokes, they're demeaning to my suitemates.
  
  What alloted time is it you're talking about? you didn't mention any
  alloted time... again, I'm replying not because you asked, but because
  it's 3AM and I'm bored.  Also because I want another LiveJournal entry
  for tonight.
  For this I thank you,
  

 

4:13pm: Odd Job Offer
The people we're designing a building for have interesting job offers...
This link
um.... did anyone understand anything?
"To perform this job successfully, an individual must be able to perform each essential duty satisfactorily"... DUH!
"Successful candidate must be able to hit the ground running"... as in, must be able to fall and not... get hurt? huh? or run with the hands on the ground? what?

2:21am: You need a life...
Now I get this witty message in my email from a chutzpahpolice.@.yahoo.com....

Subject was "We Need To Talk"

• "Listen up, chutzpah boy!

   

  YOU'VE BEEN CAUGHT

   

  You thought you could get away with it but you can't.  You have exactly 24 hours to respond to this email and apologize for your despicable, chutzpahdic act.  Yes, you know what I'm talking about...

  If you chose to ignore this message, there will be serious consequences.  The chutzpah police will be forced to take further action.  In addition to apologizing, you must fulfill two acts of chessed or tikun olam.  (eating knaidlach would help too)

  Seeing as how your act was so disgraceful, you have forfeited all your rights.  So next time you think that you can get away with such chutzpah, think again.

  We hope you respond to this email within the allotted time, for your own sake.

  The wrathful but merciful,

  Chutzpah Police

   

  (and stop wearing that leather jacket)"

I replied with a similarly witty email...

• -Chutzpah Police?
  What, are we in a Naomi Reagan version of Borough Park now?
  what is this?
  I'll keep doing my chutzpah by the way, at least until I'm told
  exactly what I did.
  -2 acts of Chesed or Tikun olam? eating kneidlach? sounds a bit too
  Chabadish for a Chutzpah Police, which, might I add, would be pretty
  much an oxymoron.
  -Wrathful? I thought the only people who were wrathful were Hashem and
  some Goyim...
  I guess you must have been personally approved (like spam) by him then
  to send your wrath upon me.
  
  Don't expect many more of these, I was just bored anyways, and you
  just gave me another entry for my Livejournal.
  
  (and no, I will not stop wearing my leather jacket, I sort of like it,
  that would be the reason I bought it.  If you want to know where I
  bought it so you can get one yourself, please email me, and I'll be
  glad to give you the address).

This is what I do when I have no work...

4:14pm:
       So now, not only do you need to worry about whether your son will want to marry a girl or a guy, and if it's a guy, whether or not he'll be allowed to marry him, but you also need to worry about your "daughter" not being able to marry his girlfriend.   Not only that.  If your "daughter" can't marry his girlfriend, the "constitution" is then forcing him to turn gay.  Wellll.... maybe not in Texas suprisingly...
But watch out, if you don't define its sex early enough, they might not allow him/her to marry ANYONE, even himself. Or more recently, herself.  Maybe the founding fathers had some sense of genetics, I don't know...

11:47am: WOW...
Speechless...
sooooo beautiful...
they even got the color right... I'm gonna go cry now...